I must be missing something. I can enjoy cheesy trash like the Last Action Hero. The big, bloated mess from 1993 with AHnold Schwarzenegger and Austin O’Brien. It was awful but in a genial and pleasant way. That film was a huge bomb, was critically savaged but, for me, I appreciated what it was trying to do. It spoofed the big action hero, the cliches of the buddy cop drama and over the top action. It may not have been successful in every aspect of it, but it knew what it wanted to do. With Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No, all of that is out the window. The only thing I saw was Universal Studios getting a two hour advertisement at the expense of my time. These are two hours I will never, ever get back.
The Sharknado franchise has become a cult phenomenon, for whatever reason. Having not seen the first two, I cannot speak to their ‘brilliance’, but judging from this one, I have not missed a thing. Sharknado 3 has Ian Ziering returning as the hero, Fin Shepard. He has returned to Washington D.C. victorious from the first two films. President Robbins (Mark Cuban) is bestowing the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Mr. Shepard when another sharknado (do I really need to explain what a sharknado is? ) blows in and wrecks havoc. They blast their way to safety and then the action switches to Universal Studio Theme Park where Fin’s pregnant fiance, April (Tara Reid) is with her mother (Bo Derek) as they chat about those dastardly sharknados, what to name her baby and all sorts of bone crushingly dull conversation. Fin is attacked on his drive to Florida but is saved by his old flame Nova Clarke (Cassie Scerbo) and Lucas Stevens (Frankie Muniz). They are sharknado hunters who have outfitted a mobile home with all sorts of technology to track ‘dem sharknados.
I have stopped in explaining the plot because at this point, whatever else happens does not matter. Sharknado 3 is pure and utter crap. There is not one scene that works, not a single character I cared about or felt a connection to and I actually began to root for the sharks. I don’t care what kind of movie you watch. If you cannot connect to something or someone in the film, then what happens on screen means nothing. Sharknado is not funny or entertaining. Cheese and camp can be funny, but when it is abused the way it has been done in Sharknado 3, it becomes a disaster.
Ziering does what he can as the hero, but Anthony C. Ferrante’s direction and Thunder Levin’s script gives him nothing to do except repeat corny line after corny line. The first couple of corny lines I can accept but not a two hour film (actually, this films is only 88 minutes but with the commercials it is about 125 minutes). At 88 minutes , this film is too long. The endless cameos don’t help because none these characters are the least bit interesting. I must confess, I did enjoy seeing Jerry Springer getting eaten and when the Today crew is gobbled up, a smile crossed my lips. But, Sharknado 3 is so inept, so incompetent, so hapless that I literally had to stop the movie and take breaks just to get through it. Those who are able to watch this film in one sitting without breaks have my respect.
If you ever wanted a film to display all of the ways NOT to make a film, then Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No is you ticket. I watched this on On Demand and my cable provider forced me to watch even the commercials. I could not even fast forward through a freaking commercial ! I don’t know who the target audience is but the graphics are shoddy that even kids will not be impressed. This is film that is all about advertising and product placement. Maybe they could have advertised for a new script writer and director. Anything would have been better than what is shown in Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No.
Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! Movie Review (2015) written by JohnnyTwoToes (of the Movie Slackers)
Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No – 0 stars out of 5 (Yes, you saw that right. A big, old ZERO)
Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No – Rated PG13 for language, violence, gore, adult situations
Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No – Run Time is 88 minutes (without commercials)